I am a firm believer in the idea that you discover who your friends truly are during your teen years and into young adulthood. This idea is especially true if you or someone close to you is suffering from anxiety. I’ve seen some turn away from a friend in need, but I’ve also seen some come together. I’ve had friends who have stood by my side and tried to understand, and I’ve unfortunately had some friends who have abandoned me altogether when I needed them the most. For me, neither situation was ideal. For the friends who never left my side, I felt as though I were a burden. While confiding in them was a relief to me, I also felt guilty for dropping my problems onto their laps. Sometimes it caused a new onslaught of anxious thoughts: what if they think I’m crazy? What if they don’t care? Why should they care about my problems? Even though I had peers to talk to, I still felt anxious. I felt guilty for taking up their time, and I would often try to downplay how I was feeling in order to avoid their questions. I didn’t want to make them suffer with me. 
But actually losing friends was even worse than that guilt I was feeling. At 19, I had someone close to me walk out of my life and never look back. I considered this person a best friend at the time, and to watch them turn their back on me was absolutely devastating at the time. I spent countless nights crying in my bedroom and wondering what I could have done. Now, three years later, I still don’t have an answer. Looking back, I want to say that it was because I was too much for her to handle. She was tired of my behavior, tired of comforting me, tired of looking for answers, and because of this, she just walked away. I was going through a very difficult time in my life and realized that I didn’t treat everyone fairly in my life, but I went to her for comfort. When she wasn’t available anymore, I felt absolutely lost—like there was nobody to talk to anymore.
I realize now that when I tried to communicate my emotions to my friends, it was hard to get them to fully comprehend what I was going through. My feelings were all over the place, and it is extremely difficult to convey this to anyone. My friends and I began experiencing different things—while they wanted to be involved in parties and social gatherings, I opted out of such events and chose to isolate myself instead. Social situations (especially with people I wasn’t familiar with) made me uneasy, and this is when a divide began to happen between my closest friends and I. I had a lot of friends who couldn’t understand my desire to separate myself from the “fun,” and instead of communicating effectively about our differing needs, our friendships eventually just disintegrated. I had tried to explain my anxiety to a few of these friends, and was amazed at how easily such an issue can be brushed off. I was hurt. I felt foolish for feeling anxious.
After losing a handful of friendships that I had since high school, I began to realize what a true friend is. A fulfilling friendship is with someone who genuinely cares about your wants and needs, and will take the time to listen to what’s on your mind. If you want to know how to find real friends, know that a true friend will communicate with you and understand and do everything that they can to help. A true friend will not abandon you during a difficult time in your life, and a true friend will not laugh your issues off. I am blessed now with a handful of true friends in my life who treat me with respect. Friends shouldn’t ever make you feel uncomfortable. They should support you and lift you up. They are there to provide encouragement and ease. Dealing with an anxiety disorder is difficult enough to handle on your own, and it is only made more difficult if your peers aren’t understanding.
When opening up to your friends, it is important to remember that not everyone fully understands the complications that come along with anxiety disorders. Provide them with enough information and don’t be afraid to hide how you feel. If you find it difficult to open up to your friends, they may not be the best friends to have in your life right now. It is important to find a supportive group of people who will take the time to actually understand your feelings and provide positive feedback. Don’t be afraid of losing some friends and gaining others—sometimes we simply grow out of friendships to allow new ones to enter into our lives.
By: Rachel Jarrell, Anxiety In Teens Contributor
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